Coming Home

My last day in Nicaragua before getting medically evacuated was spent at Galerias (the mall in Managua).  Though I was exhausted I just knew I could not go back to the states with my hair looking the way it did and I needed to get it cut ASAP.  I went an Americanized beauty salon I had heard about and spent about 600 cordobas (crazy amount as a volunteer) to get my haricut.  It was worth it.  I was there for over 2 hours getting pampered and served coffee while the hairdresser cut off 7 inches from my hair.  Even after it was cut my hair still went beyond my shoulders.  I didn’t realize how long my hair had become as I always keep it in a bun or in a braid but apparently it had gotten crazy long.  I also swung by the office to collect my traveling documents and say some see you laters to the PC staff then went back to the hotel to make sure I had everything I needed before the flight took off the next morning. 

I woke up at 4am to make sure I didn’t miss my 8 am flight and had a peace corps taxi pick me up and take me to the airport.  As we drove through Managua on the way to the airport it didn’t seem lke I had only been in country 6 months but so much longer.  At that point in time Nicaragua felt like home.  I had become use to the transportation, food and scary creatures climbing my bedroom walls.  As I waited in line at the airport I wondered if I would even like going home.  I became really nervous and anxious all at once.  During takeoff I looked out the window and saw the lush and beautiful lands Nicaragua offers and I started to cry.  I cried because I didn’t know if I would get the chance to come back…If I would be healthy enough to get back to work. 

As soon as I smelled the barbecue in the airport I knew I was back in the states, to be more specific Texas.  As I walked by the Salt Lick a part of me just wanted to grab some food while the bigger part of me was anxious to see Aaron who was picking me up at baggage claim.  Barbecue or the boyfriend…I chose the boyfriend for the time being.  As the elevator went down I saw him standing and waiting for me.  I did everything I could not to cry as soon as I saw him and somewhat succeeded.  He hugged me so tight I thought I wasn’t going to be able to breathe and I couldn’t stop trembling.  I was nervous and excited all at the same time.  It was a very strange situation…Not seeing someone after 6 months but talking to them every day and then bam everything should just be normal again…probably not. I had forgotten what it felt like to hold his hand or have someone hug or kiss me.  I don’t know how else to describe it except for weird, but in a good way.  It was kind of like getting to meet him all over again, which I loved. 

That evening we went to the Salt Lick for dinner and I can’t even tell you how much I had missed barbecue.  It was a great night and a great couple of days followed after.  I got to visit with friends, saw my family and got to go to Target 5 times in 4 days.  I use to have dreams about Target so going there was a priority for me.  Being back in Texas I did have some reverse culture shock.

•     You can flush toilet paper in the toilet
•      You don’t have to spray a whole bottle of off on your legs to go            somewhere.
•     You don’t need to speak Spanish (even though I miss it)
•     You can eat any type of food known to man
•     AC is something that is common
•     I almost cried walking in to both Central Market and Target because they are both AMAZING

 As for getting healthy and back on track…well it’s been a challenge.  First off there are not peace corps approved doctors, so I set up all appointments on my own but before I can be seen by a doctor it has to be approved by a Peace Corps nurse.  To have any further appointments the nurse has to receive all lab work and doctors notes then she has to consult with a Peace Corps doctor to see if he can approve me having more appointments.  It has been a little over 30 days and I still have no answers as to why I’m not 100%  and why my hemoglobin levels are not back to normal…even though the last time they checked (2 weeks ago) they had climbed up to 10.  The worst part of all of this is I am being denied treatment be Peace Corps until my doctors here can tell them exactly what happened.  So far my doctor’s best guess is that I contracted some weird viral infection that has wiped out my hemoglobin levels but until he can say how I got it Peace Corps won’t allow him to prescribe anything.  So I wait.  Every day I am just waiting for either an appointment to get approved or to get an answer from my doctor.  The hardest part of all of this is not feeling normal.  I haven’t felt normal now for over 2 months.  I haven’t run now for a month and a half.  I miss it so much and never thought I would be put in this position.

I have really mixed emotions at this time.  After my time here I have become used to being back home and being with my boyfriend and friends.  Another part of me misses the other peace corps volunteers tremendously.  I also miss going to Granada and working with the NGO there and I do miss working with at least 2 of my counterparts.  But there are a lot of things I don’t miss… The thoughts of going back and not going back both frighten me and I have no control over any of it.  I am here until the medical office tells me otherwise.